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Tuesday, 28 June 2011

  • new job, new car, new start. *crosses fingers*

    hey guys! :) so sorry... last time i got on i set a password to my computer and forgot it the next day... lol. so if anyone knows how to override a password or whatever for a computer... please let me know!!!

    anyway, 124.4 this morning (: and around 600 cals. woo!

    hopefully soon i'm moving in with jesse :D our couple friends want us to get a place with them, and my brother/friend's mom offered for us to stay with her and pay 3-4 hundo for rent each month, and his dad & girlfriend whom i LOVE offered for us to get a place with them too if they find something with a nice finished basement or extra apartment thing or whatever and pay 3-4 hundred a month for that too :) so i'm pumped!!! now i just still have to convince the rents.......... :/

    speaking of parents, they're getting car insurance this week, and sometime shortly after that, i should be getting my license!!!!which i need, cause i need a fucking new job.

    my check on friday was for 33.6 hours, and thats for 2 weeks of work. i work 6 days every god damn week and on the schedule for just 1 week of those 2, i was scheduled for 35 hours and i was there not late every fucking day and 35 hours is if we get out at exactly 10 when the store closes, but we never do and usually it's between 11 and 12:30 that we're out. i'm fucking pissed. so i talked to the owner about it and he said yeah, it only added up a weeks worth of hours and he wrote me another check to add on to it and left it on the counter while i was helping people and left right after. then i go to the back after the line's gone and the check he wrote is still only for 175 plus the 208 for my other check, which is still fucking short.

    hence i need a new job. i'm sick of getting cut hours espeically when i work more than the fucking owner and the manager.

    anywayy, tired as shit because i can't get to sleep lately. seriously. the last 4 days the earliest i've gone to sleep is 8 in the morning.... i don't know why either. i'll lay down and everything and feel tired usually around 3-5am and just lay in bed for 4-6 hours. its getting soooo old :p but i'm gonna lay down now in hopes that i fall asleep sooner than usual. wish me luck! lol and when i remember my password or find a way to over ride it, i'll be on again.

    stay strong all!! <3

Saturday, 04 June 2011

  • fuck that

    day after my last post i was 128.2 :) and i did really good that day and the next and then today was decent. i have yet to weigh myself though and i can't to do so in the morning! i haven't been home since the last time i posted because i do that lol. hence the not posting or weighing.

    but i so do not want to work tomorrow..... last night we were slammed and almost ran out o fbread at one point when it was just me and the new guy, plus the floors were all flooded in the TCBY part because our floor drain backed up... and after we thought we fixed it, it did it again of course lol. we got out at 12:15 last night and tonight me and my friend/brother got out at almost 1 because we were busy and then had to do all the prep etc double what we usually do because tomorrow is Berthoud Day (in berthoud, obviously, where i work.) so we had to do all the extra stuff, and i'm supposed to work 4-close tomorrow, and my manager also wants me to come in in the morning and work a split, which is fucked up.

    cause if i go in we'll have 4 people during the day, and then just us 2 at night, which is so not cool. 4 people is what we need, and i guarantee the night is going to be just as busy as the day all the way until 10 when we close and caan lock the goddamn door lol. plus he's literally called me in early every other day this week... starting sunday, tuesday, thursday, and now saturday. :p fuck that.

    i wish i could get horribly horribly sick tomorrow!

    but whatever lol. anyway, i'm exhausted so i'm going to sleep. thinspo post soon!! and weight in my next post (:

Wednesday, 01 June 2011

  • holy. life. batman!

    hey every one :) sorry, i know it's been long again. but I"M GRADUATED!! haha after that i went to the best party ever. like... ever lol. after the ceremony jesse and i went to his dad's for a bbq, and we each had 2 of those four loco energy drink 12% alcohol things and we (or at least i) was already pretty trashed haha then we went to my friends grad party, and holy shit. haha. i played ber pong for the first time. and 2nd 3rd and 4th.... lol. by the end of that, the 4th game was just a mistake. the 2nd game we did like, 3 shots of rum in each cup instead of beer, then the 3rd was me and jesse against my friends dad and his friend, and his friend was like "that's pussy beer pong" cause the cups were a quarter full, so he filled them all the way lol and the 4th game... i was gone. i had also had 13 jello shots, 2 regular beers, and a mike's harder. haha i have never in my life been so drunk!! it was soooo much fun :) it was at least 150 people there between friends and her whole family and everything. and.... our friend jon totally fucked her aunt that night... and her aunt is almost 50 years old and is also a grandma. and not that attractive. he's 16 and i'm fuckin proud of him for pulling that off!! haha but ew....

    amazingly, i was not hungover the next day :) which is even better cause i had to go to work lol.

    anyway, idk what stories to tell honestly. but jesse is no longer joining th navy, which i'm okay with (: he got a landscaping job and right now he gets $8.50 and hour and in 10 ays he'll get $9.50 because that's the end of his "probation" period, and he might get another dollar raise after that because he's the only one that can drive the frickin truck lol.he hasn't even worked there for 3 weeks and he's already going to be leading his own team for jobs, so obviously it's going good (:

    speaking of driving... still no god damn fuckin license. grr.....

    BUT!! soon enough i will no longer be living at home :D me and jesse are gonna move in with our 2 friends who've been together for 2 years and our other friend/jesse's brotherish. it's gonna be the best fucking thing ever!! we found this really nice house too! its 3 bed 2 bath for 795 a month, and it's pretty decent sized too, the kitchen is huge! and so is... everything else lol there's even an extra living room thing we're gonna make a pool room if we get it (: the guy said that th water and trash are together and its usually around 56 a month, and the payment to move in is 1800... but it includes the 1st months rent in that and if we stay there through the whole lease then we get it back when we move out, so it's totally worth it!! i so hope we get it.... the only problem is it's farther from all of our jobs than we wanted, but we could still manage. (as long as i get my license and jesse gets a new car too cause his completely shit out.)

    and i am now getting close to being able to buy my car again (since i had to spend almost $600 dollars on school fees, prom dress, graduation stuff, and every other stupid ass thing my parents made me pay for.) i'm so pissed at them for all of that.... they make me buy my prom dress, grad dress, pay school fees for all 4 fucking years that they haven't been paying, yearbook, and i have to buy my car from them. the car taht my grandpa bought my older sister, but she doesn'a want it. so instead, they are buying her a new car. fucking seriously guys? i'm the one who got a job at 16 as soon as i could and has been basically doing everything for myself, as well as helping them pay for groceries gas and rent when needed, and my sister's first job wasn't until she went to college and she relied on them for her whole life and still half does, and they're still buying shit fr her? what the fuck? she's fucking 20 years old, and i know she can handle herself. i'm not even 18 yet and i have to live my god damn life out of my pocket? wow, that's fair.

    i guess i don't mind really, it just shows that i'm more responsible and everything and i wanna move out anyway so it shows that i can easily handle myself out in the real workld cause i barely live here now. but it just pisses me off that they'd be so unfair to their own children. :p whatever.

    i just hope they let me move out before i'm 18.... cause i haven't exactly talked to them about it. but i think i have some good reasons.... it'll make things easier for them and me, and eitehr way i'll be moving out the SECOND i turn 18 (literally. the very second. i kid you not), and our lease on this house now ends at the end of the summer and they're moving out into somewhere else anyway. and it would make it easier and cheaper for them to find a house with 1 less bedroom, so if i just move into my house when they move into their's i think it would make sense... right? anyone please tell me if this logic is faulty lol because i don't want to say these things to my parents if it just makes me sound dumb lol but i think it's pretty legit. or at least the last one if nothing else.

    the only not so great thing lately is my weight..... after graduation i lived with my aunt for a week and they eat so. much. food there. its absolutely retarded. and i had to eat every meal they made because if not, i'm anorexic. :p so i gained a shit load of weight. then when i went back home it was my period, so i decided to wait til after that to REALLY try to lose it, and it ended the day before yesterday and as of 15 hours ago i'm at 129, which is already way better than i was (: i don't know what i weighed when i came back, but i think it was pretty damn close to 137.... that's almost 140 fuckong pounds. i was too scared to weigh myself to find out for sure though, so i didn't weigh until this morning before i went to work.

    and speaking of work, i had to work from 9 this morning til 11 tonight :p it was so upleasant lol. cause the owner got really sick and was puking and almost passing out n shit so justin (manager) called me a little befoer 9 and begged me to come in early and work a split to help cover because it was only him and the new guy who started yesterday there, and the corporate guy was coming in to do all the compliance stuff for the end of the month so i went in :p but i just stayed through instead of diong the split because if i left it would've been the new guy and the corporate chick there alone for an hour, and that's just not fair to jason (new guy) lol. but hey, money is money right? :) i work 10 days in a row these couple weeks then have 1 day off too :p and from the 20th of this month til july 11th i'll be working at least 40 hour weeks because one of our girls as to take her linicals for nursing school and will have those 3 weeks off. so at least i'll be making money!!! :D

    and!! i'm stil going to be going to sterling at the end of the summer for a week to teach colorguard at my old band teacher's band camp and i'll get paid for that! plus my drawings :) and i'm wanting to get a second job for just a couple days a week that pays better, but as i think about all of this i don't think i will until after i get back from the band camp... just because i'd be WAY overworked for those 3 weeks then id have to take a week off anyway for the band thing, so i'll just let it wait i guess :p all the hours those 3 weeks will help me out a lot too.

    let's see..... what else?

    OH!!!!!! i got to smoke weed with my little sisteR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D she ate a brownie the day before and i told her that if she's going to do things with weed, she HAS to do them with her sister :) she said she liked it, and she's been eating brownie's with her friends like, every or every other day since haha. i am so excited! kinda.... i mean i hate that i've like, corrupted my little sister..... .ike a lot.     but it's pretty sweet to be able to sit down and toke a bowl with your sister (:

    k.... i think that's it.

    intake today: a grilled cheese sandwich on flatbread @ subway aka work lol. and an oatmeal cream pie. plus lots of water and a cup of coffee, and a rockstar lemonade energy drink which is only 10 cals, and the coffee was black. so not too shabby (: the cheese was a bad idea... but i'll get over it, it's better than i have been taht's for damn sure.

    okaay, i think i'm done now. i'll post soon for sure this time (:

    <3 stay strong everyone!! and i've missed you all :)

Monday, 09 May 2011

  • fuuuuuuuugghhhhh

    so... hey guys (: i know it's been too long. again lol. i've just been crazy busy. as always. every night except for tuesdays and thursdays i've been working, and tuesday and tursday nights i have credit recovery, and on both weekend days i work a split shift, so basically from 11 in the morning til whenever i get out, which lately has been between 11 and 12:30 everynight, then i get up and go to school in the morning. fuck that haha i can't wait for graduation!!! i've got a week and a half left of class and less than 2 weeks til actual graduation!!!!!!!!! =D =D lol my life is going to be soooo much easier when i don't have to go to school and work is all i have to worry about. i mean, when sleeping becomes more of a chore than something i'd like to do, you know there's a problem lol. its to a point where i've got to get a few hours after work before school, then a couple more after classs before work so that i make it through the day lol but it's still onl like 5 hours a day at the most.

    BUT!!!! my parents are hopefully i think getting me my license for graduation!! if they don't, i'll be pissed lol. i've only been able ot get my license for  a year and been asking for it constantly throughout that year :p then i'll actually be able to get myself ot work and stuff! exciting right? lol.

    Jesse is just about to take his asvab, he's at meps right now for it and is staying there the night so he can take his physical tomorrow. my fingers are crossed for him and i'm sure he'll do great (: he's been studyin a lot for it, thats for sure lol. i just am excited for wednesday when i can see him again cause i haven't seen him since thursday (after we tripped acid which i may or may no tget to in this lol (:)

    so that art show i said something about?! YEAH!! that was on friday lol and i had up 6 pictures that i've done. and i had quite a few people want to buy them :) and i would've sold them if they didn't already belong to people!! a couple people offered me $100 for it!!!!!!!!! =D =D i was soooo frickin excited haha. and the nurse at my school is going to pay me to do a caricature of anohter school nurse who's retiring! this is so sick, i'm gonna get paid to do shit i love and is easy for me!! FUCK YEAH!!!! hahaha

    now the biggest thing i've gotta get done,, is my econ project by 9:13 on friday morning. whichi haven't even started yet lol. god damn. but i'll get to it, i know i will. partly cause without it i don't graduate lol. and thats sorta important...

    umm..... idk. i have a lot more i want to write about but the school is kicking me out of te library because a class is coming in. so i'll really try really really hard to post again soon!!!!! and if nothing else, after graduation i'll be on more often. MAY 21st!!!

     

    <3 stay strong everyone (:

Thursday, 21 April 2011

  • <3 coffee, smokes & cold diet cokes (:

    heyyy!! finally, i am really posting (: it's been too long lol. for almost every night since the friday before last i haven't been home at all. hence the lack of posts lol. that night though i went to this really fun little party at my friends house with just 9 people who are all the shit lol but one guy almost died and it was a little freaky... jus sayin.

    but one night when i DID go home,i got home from work like, 11ish, and when i got there my mom freaked out on me. i don't even know what triggered it exactly, but she told me that i'll "always be a disappointment to this family, no matter what you do from here on out." and apparently her and my dad are thinking about kicking me out because they don't want a 'negative influence' around my little brother and sister. and basically said i don't give a shit about anything and i never try for anything and i'm going nowhere in life. it was so fucking ridiculous... i mean they have a right to tell me to get my shit together so my grades aren't awful and ask me to help out around the house more or something, but that was fucked up. i was so pissed. they don't know a single thing that has happened in my life for the last 3 or 4 months, and don't know any important shit from the last 3 or 4 years. so they can't say a single thing about how i live my life or what i do and don't care about or do. god... it just bugs me that tehy try to be all caring and nice every nw and then, but it doesn't really mean anything, because the rest of the time they do shit like that or getting mad at me for not getting to shool beause i couldn't find a motherfucking ride, which they never help me out on and it's not my fault we moved away from town. ugh. it's just a bunch of dumb little shit and i'm sooo sick of it. honestly, its getting to a point where i'd rather they just kick me out now and stop with all the drama. it's not middle school guys.

    on the upside though :) we've been colorguarding again!! which is SUPER bueno, and the art teacher at the school (who i thought hated me lol) walked up to me the other day and asked me to set up some boards of my drawing etc for this evening of the fine arts my school does (: which is way cool! cause they don't ask just everyone to do that lol and i didn't even have any art classes this year.

    umm... what else happened?.... i don't even know lol. its been a long weird week and a half, thats all i know. i'm too tired to remember details lol.

    i couldn't sleep last night at all, so i pulled an all nighter without even trying :p it kinda sucked lol not gonna lie. so i'm gonna crash as soon as i finish this.

    yesterday i fasted, and the day before and today i had 500 calories exactly (: YAY!!

    i hope everyone is doing well in the competition!! good luck to everyone and don't forget what you're working towards (:

    <3 sleep well to all!

    OH!!!!!! and happy fucking 4-20!!!!!!!!!!! =D

CrzY_rlLeR_cSteR

  • Visit CrzY_rlLeR_cSteR's Xanga Site
    • Name: JJ
    • Birthday: 11/22/1993
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 7/13/2009

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  • I've got an eating disorder and pro-ana for life. I'd LOVE someone to text who's with me on this :) HW: 135 LW: 112 CW: 124 GW: 117 UGW: 110

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  • seanie2k11
    i am 10and1/2 stone, and i am 5ft2 do u think i am fat